The most important emotional accomplishment of the toddler years is reconciling the urge to become competent and self-reliant with... the longing for parental love and protection.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
The toddler's wish to please ... is a powerful aid in helping the child to develop a social awareness and, eventually, a moral con...science. The child's love for the parent is so strong that it causes him to change his behavior: to refrain from hitting and biting, to share toys with a peer, to become toilet trained. This wish for approval is the parent's most reliable ally in the process of socializing the child.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Toddlerhood resembles adolescence because of the rapidity of physical growth and because of the impulse to break loose of parental... boundaries. At both ages, the struggle for independence exists hand in hand with the often hidden wish to be contained and protected while striving to move forward in the world. How parents and toddlers negotiate their differences sets the stage for their ability to remain partners during childhood and through the rebellions of the teenage years.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Because the young child feels with such intensity, he experiences sorrows that seem inconsolable and losses that feel unbearable. ...A precious toy gets broken or a good-bye cannot be endured. When this happens, words like "sad" or "disappointed" seem a travesty because they cannot possibly capture the enormity of the child's loss. He needs a loving adult presence to support him in his pain but he does not want to be talked out of it.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Toddlers who don't learn gradually about disappointment lose their resilience through lack of practice in give-and-take with other... people's needs. They can become self-centered, demanding, and difficult to like or to be with.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Acknowledging separation feelings directly and sympathetically is the best way of coping with them. It is actually helpful to tell... a toddler "I'll miss you," or "I will think of you during the day," or "It is hard to say goodbye," or "I can't wait to see you at the end of the day." These messages tell the child that he is important to the parent even when they are not together and that out of sight need not mean out of mind.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Being apart is always experienced by the child, at some level, as the equivalent of being left. There is an unspoken belief, "If y...ou loved me most of all, if I was the most important thing in your life, you would never leave me." The only way to reconcile the child with this unmovable conviction is to provide abundant proof, through emotional availability and responsiveness, that he does not need to be the only important thing in your life in order to be loved well enough and deeply enough.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Above and beyond paying attention to feelings before and after a separation, never threaten your child with leaving or loss of lov...e in an effort to control her behavior. Children believe their parents' assertions that "I will send you away," "I won't love you any more," "I'll go away," and are terrified with good reason. Fear is a very poor way of disciplining a child, and it can cause severe lifelong anxiety.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
If the child-caregiver relationship is nurturing, reliable and often even joyous, the child's confidence in human relationships as... a source of comfort and reciprocity will be strengthened and expanded in spite of the parent's absence. The child will learn that not only are the parents to be trusted but that other people are trustworthy as well.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »
Managing a tantrum involves nothing less than the formation of character. Even the parent's capacity to cope well with conflict ca...n improve with this experience. When a parent knows he is right and does not give in for the sake of temporary peace, everybody wins. The parent learns that denying some pleasure does not create a neurotic child and the child learns that she can survive momentary frustration.LESSATTRIBUTION DETAIL »