Artemus Ward quotes

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Mister Ward, don't yur blud bile at the thawt that three million and a half of your culled brethren air a clanking their chains in ...
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Let's have the Union restored as it was, if we can; but if we can't, I'm in favor of the Union as it wasn't.
ech of yow, to shorte with oure weye,
In this viage shal telle tales tweye
...
Among the best traitors Ireland has ever had, Mother Church ranks at the very top, a massive obstacle in the path to equality and ...
The appalling thing is the degree of charity women are capable of. You see it all the time ... love lavished on absolute fools. Lo ...
Celestial roundsmen under the aegis of the 'New England Watch and Ward Society' inaugurated a virulent campaign against 'lewd and ...
Once before a man's kiss tasted like that. He was put away in a psycho ward. I got the same taste the first time Grant kissed me. ...
One may decide that the nipple most nearly resembles a newly ripened raspberry (never, be it noted, the plonk of water on a pond a ...
My soule her wings doth spread
And heaven-ward flies,
...
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